I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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