guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
