sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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