barbara walters just said penis...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
