I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
