On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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