I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We talked him into tasing himself.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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