Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
