Midget sex pt 2 tonight
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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