Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
