what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
