He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
