so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
