I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize