I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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