so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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