You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
