Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
