A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
