my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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