ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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