we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
