Where is the hickey?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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