sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
