So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
