you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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