And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
