Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
