I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
