Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
