Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
