Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
