Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
