32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
