I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
