At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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