actually, I'm a sock model
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
