Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and she was petting her beer can
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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