At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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