so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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