3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
