Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
