Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
