If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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