Betty ford says i'm here all night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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