I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
