I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
