Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
