Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
