Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
