I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
