I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
