do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
