I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
