i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
