Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
