Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize