i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize