My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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