Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
