I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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