Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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