We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
