Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
