I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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