dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
