i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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